Dear Ludovic,

When someone breaks their arm, it does’t mean their arm falls off completely (like your Buzz toy), it just means the bone inside their arm is broken. Yes, even if an arm is broken you still have skin.  Broken bones fix themselves by growing back together, I know it sounds crazy but its true.  Bones grow back together.  You are right though, plastic doesn’t grow and melting is something different.

Love

Mum.

PS Will you please make Granny G a Get Well Soon card now?

Dear Ludovic,

I know that fireworks look like they are right next to the stars but the stars don’t make the fireworks.  The fireworks start on the ground,  people make fireworks and they start off on the ground, you are right they do go BOOM!

Love

Mum

Dear Ludovic,

The cooking man on TV is not called Jamie OliveOiler.  His name is Jamie Oliver.  I do agree with you though, he is always using olive oil so I can see why you are confused.

Love

Mum.

Dear Ludovic,

I’m sorry to say I didn’t understand what you were talking about over dinner last night, fortunately your Dad managed to work it out.  You are correct we have a loon and Grandad has a hatchbatch, although the words are saloon and hatchback.  You are quite right, Grandad has a window in his boot so the dog can see out.  We don’t, that is why we can’t put the dog in the boot and he sits at Mummy’s feet.  He doesn’t go on the back seat because by the time you and your brother are in your car seats there isn’t much room left.  I hope that answers your questions.

Love

Mum

Dear Ludovic,

The blue supermarket is called Tesco’s, it is definitely not called “testicles”. While we are on the subject, you don’t have tentacles, you have testicles, it’s the octopus that has the tentacles.  Trust me, it’s best not to confuse these words, some people (not least the manager of Tesco’s) might get upset.

Love

Mum

Dear Ludovic,

I’m sorry you don’t like to eat onions any more.  That’s my fault for not explaining things properly.  You are right, onions make you cry.  You know this because you helped Dad make an onion and potato bake and when you chopped the onions it made your eyes water.  Your Dad is quite right, that is because there are chemicals in the onions.

Everything is made of chemicals, even you.  You are a carbon based life form.  The reason you are confused is because I use bleach to clean the toilet and I told you not to touch the bleach bottle because bleach is a chemical and it would burn you and make you sick.  Onions won’t burn you and make you sick.  Onions and bleach are different chemicals.  It is perfectly alright to eat onions (although not in the bathroom, that would be yucky.)

Love

Mum

PS I still don’t want you to touch the bleach bottle…

Dear Ludovic,

Your new baby brother doesn’ go back to the hospital. He gets to stay in our house.  At least until he is 18 years old (which as you quite rightly point out, is FOREVER).  Hopefully, one day you’ll be 18 years old and you’ll leave home too. That’s what happens when you grow up.

Love

Mum

PS You are 3 now, it is a long time until you are 18, but it is nice to know when you have your own house you want a shiny kettle like Uncle G’s and a Ferrarri car. It’s nice to have dreams.

Dear Ludovic,

You have some great names for things right now.

As far as you are concerned the Venus Fly Trap is a “munch biter plant”

the “funny chicken” you had at Grandad’s house is actually fish, smoked mackerel, to be precise.

and the “yummy corn flakes” you had at the circus was popcorn.

Love

Mum

PS If the new baby is a boy we won’t be naming him “Ludovic 2″ as per your suggestion.  Ludovic 1 is quite enough

Dear Ludovic,

You were stung by a wasp today.  Unfortunately you were at nursery so Mum and Dad weren’t there to give you cuddles.  The nursery ladies said you were very brave and they phoned Mum to see if they could give you some medicine. It’s not nice being stung,  I stood on a hornet in France once, that really hurt and I remember being stung in the palm of my hand when I was in Primary school, I was in the school playing field at the time and I remember it hurting all afternoon.  I don’t want you to be frightened of wasps though, Grandad B. is right, on the whole if you leave them alone, they’ll leave you alone.

Love Mum

PS I’m proud of you for being brave.  I asked you if you knew what brave meant and you said that it meant ” you were happy even though you were sore” which is a pretty good description.

Dear Ludovic,

The woodlouse in the living room is dead.  It won’t move again.  I’m sure because it hasn’t moved in over a week.  No, I’m sorry, we can’t put more batteries in that won’t “fix it”.  You are right we can put batteries in cars and trucks and my computer mouse and they will go again but living things are different.

The woodlouse won’t come when you call it because it is dead (and its a woodlouse, not a dog).  I’m glad you want to take it back to its Mummy and Daddy, that is a nice thought.

Love

Mum

PS We buried the woodlouse in the garden and you sang it a lovely song “Bye, Bye woodlouse, see you in the next time, Bye Bye woodlouse hope you are happy…”